A parent “charged” with his own self-injury often do not see or hear his child.
This is the phenomenon of parental anxiety: they are not afraid of what is happening really in reality, but of what happened a long time ago, in their childhood, when they have been victims of the similar situation, defenseless and powerless.
For some reason, for many worthy mothers and fathers, is difficult to “redirect” the stream of emotions “on the right address” and to recognize their own needs and requirements.
This means that they continue to feel anxiety, frustration, helplessness, bewilderment.
Other parents want to know everything about their child.
Thus, these parents try to monitor constantly the children in order to worry less.
However, excessive control by adults does not allow the child to learn to control themselves.
More so ever, it does not allow the child to create a sense of his life, his inner world and does not allow the child to learn to trust his self, his decisions, to believe in their inner strength and capabilities.
The constant demands on the child and the worries that he may not reflect their expectations shows lack of confidence from the parents, unwillingness to understand the situation from the child’s position, unwillingness to understand what motivated the child behavior time by time.
All this leads to lack of empathy in the child and his troubles and this provokes a sense of weakness for the child, a sense of loneliness in front of unsolvable problems (to behave differently he/her cannot, and to control the parent’s emotions even more).
And then, can appear a stable sense of him/her feeling “bad” that seems impossible to fix.
For a parent is difficult to control their anxiety for the future of children.
Often the success of the children, a parent assigned to its own success and, consequently, the lack of it as own mistake.
Forgetting that growing up in the family, the child absorbs family values and that they are able to make their own judgments on many issues.
Usually, a parent dependent “child” is a certain emotional fed.
Because then the parent feels the importance and the usefulness. And this is fulfilling the life for many years with a purpose: to help the child.
The problem is actually dangerous because children often want to live their own life and do not like the interfering since children do not see this help as a help.
For a parent, it must be “He did it for himself, not for me. For him. And I admire him. I admire him when he is proud of his/her self. ”
So the child starts to be proud of himself, learning to separate himself and his own identity from the others. And not trying to control the internal self-assessment with external influences.
Unconditional love is the most important quality of a good parent, and not only for a parent.
To some, it may seem that it is so little, but it’s more than enough to become a happy child.
Just do not confuse unconditional love with a possessive, selfish, authoritarian, etc.
Love means to share the joy and happiness for free. Just because you have it, is enough already.
No matter how much you can have with money. Money is only a means, not a guarantee of an enjoyable life and happiness.
The child does not yet understand the meaning of money, he will learn to give them the same meaning and value, which is attached to the parents; for it, is absolutely important only your sincere love.
Love is the best food and even the best medicine and is the optimum condition for the child to fulfill his/her potential with a successful and harmonious life.
Sharing and exchanging with children a certain quality time is a good point of looking at life.
Deciding to have a child shouldn’t be in order that this child have to solve parents major problems and challenges,.
Parents must share with the children their experiences, telling them:
“See, this is the world we live in, and it is very interesting.”
Showing the dew on the grass, talking about the birds, about friendship, about love. Important is to convey to each other the feelings and experiences, the impressions about the world.
It’s great when the positive impressions and experiences are shared, but the same importance have to be given to the sorrow and difficulties.
Is important to live all the experiences together because only in this case the child will comprehend the life fully.
If a parent takes the raising a child as a cohabitation for a certain period of life, then the parent won’t have excessive expectations from the child and won’t load uselessly his children lives.
And this means that there won’t be endless frustration and resentment.
As a result, the child will be able to realize his/her natural potential, learning and developing own selves.
This does not mean that a parent becomes passive and does not take good care of the child, exercising with him/her, and does not take the child to the educational clubs, continuing to motivate the child potentials.
No. It means that the child is brought to the clubs, not in order to grow the perfect dancer and the parent can feel the perfect mother or father, but in order to show the child that there is a world of dance, and if he/she liked the world, he/she can then dedicate part of the life to the development of the ability to move to the music.
So their do their best to raise their child correctly.
To live in the children position is handy when there is a loving family, and your friends and family react to your emotions, attentive to your needs.
However, sooner or later, all exit into adulthood, where to own emotions will respond no one, and faced with the situations where people are more likely to respond careless, without taking in consideration others feelings.
And a solid fundament build in childhood is very important and helpful in such situations.