How do you grow a male child at the time of female freedom? How do we teach respect for women, sharing family tasks, overcoming old stereotypes and rigidity of roles, without renouncing to make them “a real man”?
And above all: what is “a real man” today? The mothers today are balancing at the last breath, unavailable to limit their space to the domestic environment and to the work of care: with which reflections on the identity of small males?
For them, it is a difficult task to find a balance between the changes produced by the irruption of female freedom and the construction of that virile identity.
What is that “real man” today, we said, which women also look for when it comes to building a relationship for life?
It’s an interesting way of saying, because it postulates the fact that around there are a lot of “false men” who perform in the manly parade but then, to the test of facts, they lose the pieces. Or maybe they do not even try and show themselves immediately in their surrender fragility.
To be a man is not only to behave in a virile way, but also to be willing to work hard, to control one’s own impulses and to take responsibility for one’s actions, being strong, take care of things, and to be the protectors of their family and loved ones.
There are incorrect ideas about being true men.
Some common places as;
_ A real man is a tough man; he never cries.
_ A real man does not get orders from anyone.
_ Man is better than a woman.
_ A real man should never ask.
_ Have to be passionate about “men stuff” and etc.
So a man who is a professor and who loves to travel and does not care about fashion and cars and does not do the military, that respects women, is less man?
So what should one think? To feel more like a man then he has to get passionate about cars going to the stadium or that have to get interested in weapons?
All these are material parameters. What do I mean?
I mean that being a man is often understood as a living defined by material things (like the number of women with whom you go to bed, the power of your car, your social status, etc.) and it is a very bad and very harmful thing.
The masculinity is not measurable in any way, if one goes to bed with 10 women a month he is no longer a man of a family father, if one does not have much money he does not less a man than a businessman, if one is fond of cooking he is not less a man than an engine enthusiast.
The masculinity is a caracteristic of a real man … the virility that is released from your body by itself.
Obviously we are not talking about virility understood as sweat … as some “man” believes. We are talking about a serious quality that ultimately is nothing but a way of life and expression that has every human being of a male gender (unfortunately sometimes also female), which also distinguishes every man with some small difference.
So, as you will have understood, this is a fundamental thing.
Here are the features that leaked your natural masculinity and make you be a real man.
_ Emotional stability.
Security as for safety means that you are firm in your decisions, that you carry forward without hesitation and with awareness your behavior.
Women are struck by self-confident men because they feel somehow protected under an invisible shield.
In addition, many women (of course this depends on the characters) are part of the “category” of eternal undecided and feel much better with a man next door who can do for them a kind of guidance with active support.
We live in a patriarchal system and world, and the irruption of female freedom haven’t changed this fact much.
Security and protection are the most important thing that a man aport to a family, to his children and companionship.
Along with security, courage is combined, which makes women experience feelings similar to those that follow a man who is sure of himself. A brave man acts in spite of fear and this trait makes him a hero in the eyes of a woman.
Emotional stability also has a great influence on the masculinity.
An emotionally stable man does not allow himself to be carried away by bad feelings and throw off bad things. He reacts and, when the others need it, manages to stay calm and calm them too.
That said, I do not mean you can not cry if you feel like doing it, mostly if there are involved serious things.
Consider that masculinity and femininity are opposite (apart from some exceptional cases) and generally complete and attract each other. And this is the basis of attraction and sexual and sentimental relationships between males and females.
Of course, it is also true that, in the years in which we live, women often have the characteristics that a man should have, even in couples, and so they still complete the same sometimes.
We certainly do not want to be traditionalists, but in any case, it is always better than a man behaves like one, especially when he wants to conquer a woman.
Have you ever heard of things like: “A real man should never ask” or “Real men are tough and do not compromise”.
True man confusion. Have you noticed that there is a lot of talk about “behaving like men”, but strangely you can not give a clear definition of what exactly it means to be real men or better, they all give a series of behaviors that push you to hide weaknesses and to show a strong character.
At a certain moment in life, every boy feels he is growing… And he is told that he have to be are strong and he must also take growth as a real man!
Society says this and a man can not live it as he wishes.
Since a man was a child if he falls they were telling him: “everything is ok, you are a man”.
To a girl who fell in the park, her mother would say, “are you, okay honey?” And she would cry.
But for the little man, this wasn’t welcoming.
Therefore they teach men from an early age not to let himself go.
A woman wants us to do it and let us go, is a big help in all kind of relationship mostly with the loved ones.
This is an attitude that completes a true man. Yes, a man must be protective, strong and virile … but they must also be able to show their emotions. It is perfectly natural.
If one cannot understand for himself that this is right, it is difficult for someone else to help him understand that this feature is also part of a real man.
A men don’t have to do things himself. This is what they are thought, but they have to ask for help when is necessary.
Otherwise, they will remain stuck at a point without being able to move forward.
So, to be a real man, another important thing that you need to understand is that asking for help does not make you less man. In reality, this will strengthen you.
You are a man who is willing and able to ask for help. There can be many situations where one needs support … and there’s really nothing wrong with that.
Another incorrect ideas about being a true man is that vulnerability does not serve and that certainly one does not need it in most of the relationships.
A little bit of vulnerability is part of every man. It makes a man more real and more human.
So, being a little more vulnerable, a little more open, a little more able to receive and give love, able to ask what one needs.
It does not make you less man … on the contrary!
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Asking for help is a sign of strength.
It takes strength and courage to go deep into you and realize that there is something you can not do alone.
All can all read a book, participate in some programs, try their best … but sometimes they can only get stuck.
In these cases, it is always nice to be able to call someone impartial to receive some help.
Also remember that this someone can push you towards something new, teach you something, make you overcome some fears, make you see things in a different way.
Basically, showing yourself vulnerable and having the courage to ask someone for help (who is the right person), can make you improve as a man and not belittle as they actually make you think.
I advise you not to block your being to be a real man. A real man does not stop.
So, if you want to open your heart to someone, do it.
Do you want to show your tender with a woman? Just do it.
At some point, you would like to behave in a more loving or more vulnerable way… Do what you feel like doing.
These are not signs of weakness. In reality, they are signs of strength.
It takes an inner strength to be able to expose real emotions, feelings, and true qualities.
It takes courage to show who you are as a man, instead of keeping everything hidden as they teach you.
The parents sometimes are wrong. But you are all able to change now.
Express yourself and show your needs and desires. Do not hide.
A real man does not hide.
Being a man also means being able to communicate everything in your life. This means saying no sometimes and asking for help for others.
Start now. And starts to be a real man, who basically is nothing but the real you.
Being a man is a constant commitment, a journey towards a goal, not a goal.
It means to defend one’s own values.
Every person has his own values, but too often he doesn’t defend them, especially when it comes to seduction or some conveniences.
Many men are always willing to compromise and sacrifice themselves and their values for a woman, for achieving something in return or under pressure.
A real man commits himself to be authentic, even if this can cost them some consequences.
The fact is that it is necessary to learn to say “no” from time to time, it is important to show your dissent once in a while when you do not agree with the facts.
Paradoxically you will earn the respect of the people you have next because they will know that what you say is what you really think even if this can cost you some small consequence and your self-esteem will increase every time you show sincere.
There is no point of arrival, you do not wake up one day becoming a real man as they would like you to believe in the advertisements of the cool car or the classy perfume.
Being a real man is a journey that lasts a lifetime: and you decide to take the first step.