from a psychological point of view, who is in control of your life

Envy (part 1)

Many actions are dictated to a person, not for the sake of something, but out of spite.

Envy is considered one of the seven deadly sins and the most secret feeling in the souls of people.

Unlike other sins, which can be found rational justification, envy has always been considered shameful in all its manifestations, even its shades.

Perhaps it is the fear of a feeling that everyone has, to some extent, but is rejected by everyone, is the reason for such a rare mention of it, even in psychological research.

Envy is not part of the explanation of the motives of one’s own behavior, even if it is the only motive.

Another distinctive aspect of jealousy is that this feeling is formed and acts only in social situations: they always envy someone or something.

It is interesting that it is most often noticeable to everyone, except for those who envy – the strength of mental defenses, in this case, is very high.

Often this is the rationalization of “he is not worthy of it …” or “it just happened because …” or the projection “they are envious of this …”, “the world is cruel and unfair, so you need to do everything to win …”, there are lots of options, and One goal: to save your self-esteem.

Many wants to be envied, but no one will ever admit to envy: it’s like admitting one’s own insolvency.

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Someone are of the opinion that envy is not only brightly negative but it can also be a beneficial impulse.

If there was no envy, people would not strive for excellence and do not make discoveries.
The phrase or the idea that it is necessary to do something so well “that everyone is envious”, although it looks ridiculous, often brings good results.

Envy – this is the same rivalry, only hidden: a person wants to win, but competes as if inside himself, scoring when his imaginary opponent does not suspect it.

Envy is both a motivation and a limitation, for the individual.

On the one hand, envying, man seeks to the same thing that another person has or to superiority over him.

On the other hand, envy limits motivation to the achievement of the very goal that someone has already achieved, as a result of which attention is dissipated and the situation is distorted, turning into a chase for the ghost of happiness.

This restriction of motivation narrows thinking to the need for someone else’s success.
And this can threaten the loss of identification and the pursuit of other people’s goals, and therefore, a real personal failure.

Everyone knows the situation when for a long time something was wanted very much, but from the fact that someone already had it, did that the desire was even stronger.

And many also know the feeling of disappointment when the desired is realized, and with it comes the realization that it is no longer necessary, and the desire was only inertia, which was reinforced by the lack of realizability and the fact that someone possessed this object.

“A valuable thing is good for its master on the first day and on all other days for others”… the importance of the subject often depends on who already owns it.

The term “envy” can be an emotion. For example:
To appear situationally at a certain moment, as, for example, in the event of a loss, there may be an envy of the winner (“he was just lucky …”) but after a short time, envy, how the emotion fades and does not harm relations.

When envy is a stable and painful experience of the success of another or the sorrow of the impossibility of achieving the desired, it takes the form of an attitude, a deep sense of envy and affects the personality as a whole.

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The phenomenon of envy is manifested at three levels and likewise affects self-esteem and personality behavior:

The level of consciousness – the realization of its lower position, can be perceived as a reality and do not cause severe discomfort.

The level of emotional experience – a feeling of vexation, irritation or anger due to such a situation, possible auto-aggression, feelings of inferiority, infringement of self-love and injustice of fate.

The level of real behavior – is destruction, elimination of the object of envy. Aggression is expressed specifically to the subject, so the object of envy can be accused of creating problems for the envious person.
At this level, envy becomes the leading motive of behavior.

 

There are different components of envy:

– Social comparison – is the first manifestation of envy, arises from social motives: people always discuss achievements and failures of others, therefore the first thought is widespread in case of failure “what others will say …”.
Most often, they envy the material successes that can be demonstrated in society. Few will envy the hermit, who has attained the highest degree of enlightenment somewhere in the mountains.
However, it should be noted that can be perhaps a well-founded sense of envy in society.
For example, there are a rich and a poor and the desire of the poor to become rich to provide for their family is absolutely natural.

– Perception of someone’s superiority – occurs when the subject and the object of envy are close (the same initial possibilities, one area of interest). Inward acceptance of the superiority of one is perceived as the humiliation of the other.

– Experiencing disappointment – grief and humiliation in this regard – an emotional reaction to the superiority of the opponent.

– A hostile attitude or even hatred of the one who surpasses – the defensive mechanisms mask the sense of their own inferiority by rational explanation, finding a number of shortcomings in the object of envy “is it possible to envy such …”
This removes some emotional tension because it allows some emotions to manifest and reduces the significance of the object of envy, which also reduces tension.

– Desire or a real harm to him.

– Desire or real deprivation of his object of superiority.

Depending on the degree of emotional influence on the person, depth and strength of experience, several types of envy and its influence on human life are distinguished. Envy has many facets, although people prefer to see only the negative side of this phenomenon.

***Once the snake chased a butterfly and pursued her day and night.
Fear gave the butterfly forces, she beat her wings and flew farther and farther.
And the snake did not tire of crawling on its heels. On the third day the exhausted butterfly felt that she could no longer fly, she sat down on a flower and asked her persecutor:

“Before you kill me, can I ask you three questions?”

“It’s not my habit to provide such opportunities to the victims, but oh well, we’ll take it as your dying wish, you can ask.” – said the snake.

“Do you eat butterflies?” – asked the butterfly.

“No…” – answered the snake.

“Did I do you something bad to you?” – continued the butterfly confused.

“No.” – give the same response the snake.

“Then why do you want to kill me?” – desperately asked the butterfly.

“I hate watching you flutter!” – semple replied the snake.***

 

Psychologically, there are such forms of envy as:

_ Black envy or malignant envy: is a desire (or destroy) of the object of envy or to make it as bad as the envious person. The main characteristics are; inferiority, hostility, and resentment ( by definition of Smith and Kim).

One of the reasons for this type of envy is the inferiority, that is, the perception of a person who has superiority as the cause of his own failures and humiliated position.
A person completely disclaims responsibility for what happens in his life.
His life begins to obey the principle “I do not need anything if only the others had nothing.”

A man that is envied, he naturally feels an attitude towards himself, a tension that requires a large expenditure of psychic energy is created in communication.
As a result, at the end of the day, a person feels a mental fatigue.

But it should be noted that black envy is unproductive and affects the envious that suffers from envy more than the damage done to a person who is envied.

 

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According to the studies, a feeling of envy also has somatic symptoms. In a person who is gnawed by a feeling of envy, physiological symptoms can arise:
Peter Kutter (1998) notes that a person pales with envy, as blood vessels contract and blood pressure rises, or turns yellow with envy, as the blood is saturated with bile.
In addition, such people are suspicious and live in constant expectation of someone else’s tly tfailure, instead of creating their own success.

This is a negative emotion, like all other negative experiences, it harms a person’s health. Envy, activating the nervous system raises blood pressure, increases the pulse, promotes the appearance of muscle clamps, disrupts the digestive system.

Envy is a bad feeling, so before envying anyone, ask yourself the question: “Do I want to hurt my health?”.

Envy corrodes not only the body but the soul, if you felt a sense of envy, then for certain you remember how unhappy you are.
With his thoughts and deeds, the envious person can nullify all his good deeds committed by him during his life.

Envy translates into the subconscious of the person a negative program:
“Why is everything so bad in my life, why do others have, but I do not have ?!”

The subconscious mind accepts this command (the force of thought starts to act): “I have little, I do not have, I have nothing” – and immediately executes it.
And it will not get. ( have a look how the subconscious mind works)

So, while a person feels jealous of someone else’s material and immaterial wealth, he has no chance to get what he wants.

As an energetic vampire, envy makes people waste their energy on constant racking others’ successes.

Envy is also dangerous because sometimes it is not limited to negative emotions and evil wishes, but compels them to move on to active activities, when the envious person begins to gossip and talk evil, build intrigues, and sometimes even use physical force.

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_ White envy or benign envy: is considered a good feeling if, can be appropriate to speak so.
This described feeling is close to admiration when the achievements of another person make the envious person grow.

However, there is a big difference between white envy and admiration.

When a person admires, he simply states how great is what others do or achieve. When a person envies, albeit ostensibly in white, he compares himself with another.

Here is not just an awareness of the successes of another, but also negative thoughts: “And I …” or “But here I have …”.

If a person can stop himself before the appearance of these thoughts, such a feeling will do him good.
If not, this is not much different from the first kind of envy.

_ Unkind envy: when a person wants to have the same thing as the object of envy, and strive for it without experiencing hostile feelings.

_ Evil envy: when someone strives not so much to receive the same but to deprive the object of the envy of his superiority.
Such envy is due to a feeling of one’s own inability to reach the same level.

_ Depressive envy: also arises from a sense of humiliated position, but it is characterized by a sense of injustice, deprivation, and doom.

The Bible does not divide envy into “white” and “black” or etc.., classifying it as mortal sins:
“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor’s.” Bible, Old Testament, Exodus 20:17.

If we turn to other scriptures, for example, to the “Ten Commandments” of Moses and to The Epistle of Paul the Apostle to the Galatians, one can understand that envy consists in the desire of a person to possess what does not belong to him.

It can be both material goods and intangible values (beauty, strength, power, success, virtue, etc.).
According to church ministers, in accordance with their plans, God gives each person what he needs.
The desire to have what you are deprived of, what another person has is contrary to the plans of the God.

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