from a psychological point of view, who is in control of your life


Many years ago, the Devil decided to boast and put on public display all the tools of his craft.

He neatly folded them in a glass display case and attached labels to them, so that everyone knew what it was and what the cost of each of them was.

What a collection it was!
There was also a brilliant Dagger of Envy, and a Hammer of Wrath, and a Gap of Trap.
Lovely on the shelves were laid out all the tools of Fear, Pride, and Hatred.

All the tools lay on beautiful pads and caused admiration for every visitor to Hell.

And on the farthest shelf lay a small, unsightly and rather battered-looking wooden wedge with the label “Despair”.
Surprisingly, its cost was higher than all other tools combined.

When asked why the Devil so highly appreciates this object, he replied:
“It’s the only tool in my arsenal that I can rely on if everyone else is powerless.” – And he stroked the wooden wedge with tenderness. – “And if I manage to drive him into the head of a man, he opens the door to all others instruments …”



Many feel as if they are in despair, however, when analyzing out their life it can find that they indeed do have individuals they can trust, that love them, have recognizable talents and do have some short-term goals.
They just do not know how to ask for help or become motivated to move through their mislabeled crisis.

Many of us have felt despair for transient periods of time.
The despair we feel when we lose a loved one, financial despair not knowing where the next meal will come from and struggling with perceiving future hope.

So maybe it is important to break down the word despair into acute exacerbation and chronic severe forms of despair.

Desperation is not an innate emotion and acquisitions.
This is a learned response characteristic to a greater extent for those who count on someone who has his (or her) duty to save, or at least help in a difficult situation.

A desperate cry of a child has one meaning: “Parents, I do not know what to do, immediately help me!” Despair is an extreme option for victims position.

Desperate for a minute or two it can be normal, including for an adult.
But the strong people know that to allow yourself to live in despair is to betray the fact that you are responsible for your life.
Is unacceptable for them to put the blame on someone else and to be in need of others to bear the burden of what happened.
Strong people do not allow to feel despair.

Desperation does not fall on the man suddenly.
At first, there is an idea: “Maybe I can give up?”
There is the picture of itself, surrendered. So the desire is born to surrender to despair.
The desire was born, but who let desire become despair?

Someone allows himself to despair, then avenges himself and life.


Someone takes himself in hand and begins to act prudently, knowing that from the wisdom of his actions depends on its success (and sometimes life).

The difficult situation is a sign that you were not quite ready for this event in your life. You just can’t prepare for all that can or can not happen in your life.
It is necessary to consider that for the future, but for now, focus and act.

Have a look around you there are a lot of examples, a lot of people that every day doing their best to go on.
Strong people are stronger than despair.

The psychological techniques can help in a situation of despair?
They can, but weakly.

If you are one those who have something to live for then is helpful.
The ones who live only for himself breaks down easier.

Those who live not only for themselves, who have obligations to people and business, pass through despair and crossed back to life: to love and to work.

Despair is real, very real and should not be minimized.
It can be devastating, however, there is a way out.

As long as we are inhaling oxygen, and our heart is pumping blood through our bodies there is a way out.
It takes re-framing, knowing how to ask for help, and seeing our true resources (internal and external resources.)

Many of us see the negative. We read about it, view it on television, want a better life, and complain that we are not getting a fair deal.

It is possible to see the light beyond the darkness but first, we need to be aware of our view of our self and pragmatically look and see if our despair cup actually holds it or is it an illusion of self-defeating perceptions.


Darkness does not exist is just absence of light.

How does one resolve feelings of despair?

True feelings of despair are debilitating and freeze us into a state of immobilization. Many have a difficult time eating, sleeping and interacting with family and friends.

Statements from friends and even therapists like; “You have so much in your life to be thankful for,” and “You will get better, it just takes time,” are often worthless.

These statements always have good intentions, however, when experiencing despair the words just seem to become absorbed into the walls around you.

Despair must run its course so yes, time is important. But time alone will not resolve this issue.

– To start one must look pragmatically at the reason the feeling occurred.
Is there a legitimate foundation for this overwhelming feeling?

– Then just go back in your life, when you were happy, to recognize how you were feeling and what is different.
This is very important in order to identify the problem at hand, as well as KNOW you can and have achieved happiness in the past.

– You can allow yourself to feel despair, feel sad, cry with a knowledge that by allowing yourself to feel hopeless this WILL be transient.
Just this would not change much your situation.
You can cry and despair for days and days but when you’ll stop your problem will be still there.

– Now you need to act, implement an action that will slowly move you out of your current state.
This could be something small, a walk, a warm bath, making a cake, meeting a friend without re-hashing the drama and stress in your life.

– Finally, you have to start to reflect back on when you were happy and what you did to instill that happiness in you and others.
Most likely this had to do with some type of short-term goal, something to look forward to.

– IMPLEMENT IT! Put forth the effort required mentally to move from the hopeless feeling of despair to the feeling of expectations, and hope.
This could be a visit to a friend, family member, a small trip, a shopping moment, or just an old funny movie.
Have a goal and implement it.



Despair has a tendency to have emotional tentacles that grab on frequently.
You may try the above and fail.
Yes, many do.

It is similar to losing weight, stopping a vice, sometimes you must try many times before you succeed.
This is life.
Driving a car, a new job, the birth of a baby, the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, a financial crisis can all lead to feelings of despair.

You were NOT born with despair, there is no blood test for seeing what your despair levels are, so maybe, just maybe it’s not so hopelessly.

Each of us has moments of weakness and fatigue and sometimes it seems that’s all, there is not more strength to go on.
A feeling that the whole world is against you.


” Father, I’m tired, I have such a hard life, these difficulties, and problems, I always swim against the current, I have no more strength. What do I do?”

Father instead of answering set on fire three identical pans with water: in one he threw a carrot, an egg laid in another, and in the third he poured coffee beans.
After a while, he pulled out of the water the carrots, and egg and poured in a cup the coffee from the third pot.

“What changed?” – He asked his daughter.

“Egg and carrot are cooked, and the coffee beans are dissolved in water” – she said.

“No, my daughter, this is only a superficial view of things.
Look at the hard carrots, having been in boiling water become soft and pliable.
The fragile and liquid egg became hard.
Outwardly, they have not changed, they only changed their structure under the influence of the same adversity the boiling water.” – said the father.

“So are the people. – Continued the father. – Ones can appear strong but pasted to a difficult situation become weaklings where fragile and tender only harden and become stronger.”

“And a coffee?” – Asked the daughter

“Oh! This is the most interesting part! Coffee beans are completely dissolved in the new hostile environment and changed it. Boiling water turned into a magnificent flavored drink.
There are special people who do not change because of the circumstances.
They change the existing circumstances and turn them into something new and beautiful, and benefiting from the knowledge of the situation.”

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