When the beloved, and beautiful wife of the Persian king Darius died, the life stopped for him. The monarch was inconsolable.
Democritus promised to bring the deceased back to life if the king will give him everything he needs.
Darius gave the order not to spare any money.
Then the philosopher noticed that now he lacks only one thing: Darius must write on the tomb of his wife the names of three people who have never experienced grief. As soon as it is fulfilled, the beautiful woman will immediately come to life.
The almighty king, of course, could not do this.
Then Democritus laughed as usual and said:
“What are you, the most ridiculous person, that you cannot stop crying.
As you saw, such misfortune happened is not only with you one, because you did not find even one person who never experienced any sorrow.”
Self-pity … What associations cause these words? Something slippery, vile, which creeps into the soul and envelops the feeling of resentment, dissatisfaction and a desire to throw it all out on the people around you.
This is a perverted desire to “pity yourself” and this is how to attract attention to yourself.
Children’s pout which initially starts to impress parents, grow into an obsessive illness with the growing up of a child.
Then such a person begins to spend the lion’s share of his time in order to find confirmation of his non-existent illnesses, invent problems and to prove to the whole world that everything with him is wrong.
Although, this opinion is divided by not all.
Many sincerely believe that pity is inherent in people mild, sympathetic, “cordial”.
So let’s try to figure out what leads to pity, and in particular, self-pity?
And should people be encouraged to constantly feel sorry for themselves?
And also try to find a worthy alternative to this feeling.
For example, in each problem, see an excellent opportunity to improve yourself and your life. How to do it?
If you imagine figuratively what is actually done by a person who endlessly feels sorry for himself, then you will see a picture that he seems to continuously pierce the sting in his heart.
That is, thinking of problems, the person at the same time feels quite real pain.
But instead of healing a bleeding wound, he specifically worries about it constantly and does not let it heal.
“If you want to ruin someone, start feeling sorry for him” – someone said.
Unsuccessfully developed relationships in the family, parting with the beloved, losing of a child, a job, a house etc. – that’s far from a complete list of reasons that often cause pity.
It’s clear that a person is broken, crushed, dejected and tries to share this with a person close to him. And it is right. Good advice at such a minute will not be superfluous.
But, the common mistake of those who try to support is that they begin to pitying. First they, and then the victim of the unsettled relationship, without even noticing it, begin to feel sorry for themselves.
And as a result, a strong inferiority complex is developed.
But what is there in common between love and pity?
Rather, pity can be regarded as the antipode of love.
No wonder they say that if a person loves, then never feel sorry for the other. Treating the other as a strong, able to withstand any adversity, and he/she will be so.
Give him/her the strength to move forward, and he/she will become many times stronger.
This is especially important in relation to men.
A lot of times one in the heart of self-pity becomes the most unfortunate person and gradually sinks to the very bottom of human relations – alcohol, drugs or just permanent depressive states, which can result in suicide or simply from a normally cheerful person, turns into an old grouch.
In this case, the “old” is not the age, but the state of mind.
And this is not accidental because pity is a program of maximum human weakness saying: “You’re a poor little miserable and you cannot do anything, and you are not capable of anything, and if you will get it, nothing will change, everything will be bad for you … ”
It deprives one of his strength and motive to act actively, overcome obstacles.
This applies to both self-pity and pity for others.
Therefore, those who have achieved success in life, recommend forever to kill self-pity, and with it – the justification of the constant failures and weaknesses.
Love – gives strength to solve any problems, and pity – deprives the person of all forces and motives to act actively.
This is true for yourself and for any other person.
Therefore, people who are strong, successful and worthy always recommend first of all to completely kill self-pity, and together with it all the excuses for their own weaknesses and failures.
No one can explain the indulgence of their own weaknesses, vices, shortcomings. Where is the logic that a man does not want to struggle with his own problems and only helplessly drops his hands before them?
How to accept the fact that instead of setting and achieving a goal, confidently walking through life, taking responsibility for one’s destiny in one’s own hands, receiving joy from life in all its manifestations, a person for days on end weeps in his vest and curses all the saints for his Unsuccessful fate?
This is to satisfy the obsession to keep in the house a large predatory beast, which sooner or later wraps its fangs against the master.
Therefore, pity cannot be regarded in any other way than a diagnosis that is made to people lazy and irresponsible for their own destiny, who limp away their hands before the most uncomplicated test.
Of course, it’s much easier to cry in a vest, throw your problems on others, poisoning not only yourself but also to people close to yourself.
To get rid of this vile feeling, you need to stand up, proudly spread your wings and fly, overcoming wind, storms and other adversity to achieve success in your life. And for this it is necessary so little – to forbid to feel sorry for yourself.
Self-pity is inherent in people irresponsible and lazy, who prefer to endlessly feel sorry for themselves, instead of taking 100% responsibility for their fate in their own hands, setting and achieving the goal, and learning how to receive the joy of life in everyone Manifestation.
After all, to regret and suffer – a lot of mind is not necessary.
It can be done by any fool, as they say.
But to get rid of weakness and solve the problem – you need to try, you need to think and take action, and not spending your time lying on a sofa, throwing tears into the blanket.
Because, a person, even one who, due to circumstances, really got into trouble, is able to collect all the forces and despise pity in any of its manifestations.
Distinguishing between good and bad – that is, to learn to understand what it takes away its strength and makes it insignificant, and what gives the strength and the desire for success.
Consider the virtues and critically assess the shortcomings, and not kill ourselves every minute with a feeling of pity.
One needs to control his thinking – to direct the forces of their consciousness to the achievement of goals and to find the solution of the primary tasks that can become a stepping stone to these goals.
Therefore, determine for yourself the priority actions and go step by step towards your life success.
The mind must be occupied with “the right material,” and not “chew the gum.” And then there will be no time for pity.
If you caught yourself thinking that you feel sorry for yourself – then ask yourself the questions:
– What does it give you?
– Will this solve your problems?
– Will this make you stronger?
– What do you need to do to bring the solution to my problem closer?
– What kind of action should you take first?
– What needs to be done, change in yourself, so that you do not have to face such problems again?
One very respected person who got into a difficult life situation when he was asked the question:
“Do not you worry, are you not afraid, do not you feel pain from what happened in your life?”
Said: “I do not have time for this, I’m busy solving the problems that put my life before me. “