from a psychological point of view, who is in control of your life

Directions to work with fears.

Know that the greatest fear is fear of the unknown.
Seek to meet the unknown with courage and a sense of adventure.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The world is vague and we cannot do anything about it.
The future is unpredictable. Therefore, our whole life is a risk.
On the one hand, we must plan our actions, set goals, on the other hand, there is always a discrepancy between goals and results.

We must accept this discrepancy as a fact, reconcile with it, we must accept this risk and agree that all that we are planning may be unattainable.

Nevertheless, this does not mean that we must stop acting, stop living.
In this life, there is nothing authentic and guaranteed, except death.

We live in an indefinite world, and when we try to pretend, create ourselves a zone of certainty, which is psychologically understandable, we try to eliminate this unpredictability as much as possible.

But, as we try to do this, we increasingly distort the picture of reality and our attitude to reality. Because the reality is still unpredictable, its unpredictability is absolute.

Any of our actions can lead not to the consequences that we expected, and we must take responsibility for the risk that we undertake.

We set certain goals and expect that the actions will lead to certain results, but our goals and real results are not identical.
And we must reckon with the possibility that our actions will lead not only to those, not quite to those, or not at all to the results that we expected.

Personal responsibility is to act, realizing that the result is not guaranteed.

If we do not have an alarm, it means that we are not ready for the future.
If we are so firmly aware that it will be that changes in the future, will lead to the fact that we will not be ready for them.

Too strong expectations lead us to the fact that we are not ready for the future, we are waiting for something specific, our attention is related to what we are waiting for, and we thus do not notice anything else.
And we are not ready for many surprises when we expect too much.

Anxiety is constructive, it makes a person ready for surprises.
The absence of anxiety is unpreparedness for unexpectedness, only because we are worried, armed.

In a sense, anxiety is our tool for interacting with our future, setting it up.

As Heraclitus said: ” If you do not expect the unexpected, you will not know the profound.”

This is the same fear and risk, which in a sense is the general content of our entire life and one of the main tasks of our life is the integration of this fear and risk.

And the task of psychologists is to integrate this fear and risk in the philosophy of human life. There is no other way.

In this case, the experience of anxiety can be both a natural reaction to a dangerous situation and a personality trait.

In the first case, we are talking about the so-called reactive anxiety – an experience that arises in any person in the event of unforeseen obstacles or at the time of a dramatic change in the situation.

In the second case, increased anxiety is a stable character trait. This is personal anxiety. An anxious person worries and experiences anxiety in circumstances that other people regard as insignificant.

As a rule, increased anxiety is supported by such personal traits as self-doubt, indecisiveness, and dependence on the opinion of the majority.

At the same time, anxious people are extremely responsible and in every possible way strive to fulfill their obligations.
They excellently feel the mood and emotional state of others and are often very kind.

Personally, anxious people try not to provoke and, if possible, avoid conflicts, because by their sensitivity they suffer them very painfully.

Existential anxiety itself is one of the conditions of human existence.
This is what cannot be. But the dynamics of it experiences depend on the attitude toward it.

Negative dynamics, the transition to pathological forms, arises from the withdrawal from awareness when it is displaced.

Within the limits of the mental norm, there is a dose of anxiety that does not destroy or paralyze activity. Here the criteria are purely functional.
But too high a level of anxiety destroys us in the present.

Each has its own individual psychological constitution, someone can tolerate more, someone less.

If anxiety is present in our picture of the world, then it largely loses a significant part of its destructive potential simply because most of the disorganizing influence of this anxiety is related to the tension of its struggle against repression: the action is equal to counteraction.

It is necessary to take the negative aspects the; anxiety, death, non-existence – as some integral parts of our life.

In culture, there are many forms of both awareness of existential anxiety and its repression.

A person has a tendency to seek to remove from life all the unpleasant and uncomfortable, everything that violates a light harmonious worldview is simply declared non-existent.

And in this respect, existential anxiety is also seen as something that interferes with life.

Our whole life is a struggle for the integrity of life, for taking into the picture of the world, including what causes anxiety, causes discomfort, being an integral part of our life.

It is worth remembering Kant’s formula: do what you must and what have to be will be. There is always a gap between real results and our goals, but, nevertheless, our task is to accept this unpredictability and be open to the opportunities that arise.


Directions to work with fears:

_ Do not dwell on negative emotions, cover them with pleasant memories or activities that give pleasure. Realize in the areas that you get the best.

Everyone, even the shyest little man, always has a field of confidence – that space, that time, those circumstances and conditions, the matter, that person – with whom, where and when everything turns out, everything is easy and nothing is scary.

It is not necessary to achieve complete tranquility in any situation but to wait for fear to evaporate, and stiffness and anxiety will disappear …

_ To fight is not with fear, but with its intensity.

The more a person struggles, wanting to get rid of these obsessive thoughts, the more they get hold of him.

To experience fear is inherent in every person without exception.
Fear is the oldest protective response of all living beings to danger or to its possibility.

Paradoxically, the best way to really get rid of fear is to admit that you are scared and learn to live with this thought.

Therefore, you need to recognize your fear and even dive into it, allow yourself to be afraid. And soon you will notice that its intensity is gradually decreasing.

Trauma is a suspension in development, a block in the nervous system.
Health is a movement, not a state of rest, no problems.

The situation in which the fixation of fear and a natural form of resistance occurred, contains a huge potential and the opportunity to enter a fundamentally new level of development.

_ Physical activity and exercise burn excess adrenaline.

Psychological problems can be provoked by self-poisoning of the body when the intestines are not cleaned properly when there is a lack of muscle work to produce “pleasure substances” – endorphins when the blood is not refreshed with fresh air.

Hidden bodily disorders, as well as lack of fullness of life, often inform themselves about failures and disorders at the psychic level.

_ Psychotherapy with systematic desensitization.imagesjkbbjjj

Is a form of behavioral psychotherapy that serves the purpose of reducing emotional susceptibility to certain situations. Developed by J. Volpe

The term “desensitization” was originally used in photography (in terms of reducing the sensitivity of the film) and in medicine in the treatment of allergies. In the latter case, desensitization was meant to reduce the sensitivity of the body to the effects of a substance, usually by systematically applying this substance, starting with the lowest doses.

Fear, anxiety, phobia are inextricably linked with stress. There is no tension – there can be no fear. In other words, if a person can relax in a phobic situation, the phobia will disappear.

In phobia, the “usual” situation causes an “unusual” (phobic) reaction. Systematic desensitization became the first truly effective method of treating phobias.

The effectiveness of this method has been proved by a multitude of scientific studies. After passing the course of desensitization, recovery occurs in 90% of patients.

_ Depression and anxiety arise largely because of absolutist, specifically determined thinking, which imposes on the person meaningless duties that are not rationally justified.

Too much a person has to do, but about what he wants, no one asked him since childhood.
Inattention to one’s feelings causes depression that is the most natural human feelings since childhood.

And the longer the suppression of the basic feelings occurs, the more perverse, intense and unnatural it will appear suppressed feelings.

_ The method of treating neuroses Viktor Frankl called “a paradoxical intention.”imagesvvjbjbkj

The very symptom from which the patient suffers and wants to get rid of is imputed to him as a duty, becomes his task, his “must”.

If a person is tormented by fear, paralyzing excitement – before performing, for example, before flying on an airplane or before traveling in an elevator – the therapist suggests that the patient cause these fears intentionally and as hard as possible!

We must go to meet the subject of our fear, we must try to strengthen our fears arbitrarily, try to be afraid. This is an attitude that allows quite successfully, as practice shows, to cope with fear. How can I express myself more expressively, erect into a grotesque! And fear decreases and then leaves.

“Don’t you sleep at night?” – Frankl told patients with insomnia. – “Fine, try not to sleep! Try your best, stay awake! Fight with the tiniest bit of sleep!”

And patients who performed this appointment in good faith, with amazement reported that after some critical moment, the sleep suddenly began to dump them as quickly as ever – like an underground river, finally breaking through to itself.
So the cycles and neuroses are cured.

_ Accepting yourself.

In you, there is all; the good and the bad, any qualities that you can imagine.
And it’s impossible to completely get rid of what Jung called the Shadow.

Recognize yourself as a single soul – changing, evolving and infinitely different in its manifestations.
Fear of oneself and one’s manifestations was imposed as a child only by adopting one’s “light” image. And this is only a truncated image of reality.

_ Here is another important answer that is not considered in the scientific literature. It turns out that there is fear in the soul and the heart of a person means the absence (or lack) of love. “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear because in fear there is torture” (1 John 4:18).

“If you are trying to solve a problem, do it with love. You will understand that the cause of your problem is a lack of love, this is the cause of all problems. ”
_ Ken Carey.




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